I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
