The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
