I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
