just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
