dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
not ubering you a puppy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
