I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
