its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
