i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
