I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
