Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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