YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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