eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
