Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
