Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
