The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
dude. I can hear the air.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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