How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
