It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Randomize
