it's like iHOP with fire
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
