I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
