I can tuck mytits in my pants
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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