I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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