return my video game
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
