I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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