Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
