I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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