I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
