I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
