I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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