You just made me feel so damn special
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
