guys are only as good as the porn they watch
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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