My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
