she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
