please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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