I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
