I'm jealous of your bromance
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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