I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
