I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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