there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
