3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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