Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
