you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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