I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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