I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
