is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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