I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
