did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
