Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
