I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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