We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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