Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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